Yesterday, after a few weeks or so of writer's block, I finally began writing again. As I completed a new paragraph, I noticed my mood drastically improve. For the first time in days, I felt like ME. I felt fully in my element, blissful and thriving. In that moment, something became clearer in my mind than ever before.
I used to think my periods of sadness during spells of non-writing were due primarily to some sort of rigid, over critical, self-discipline to "produce produce produce". I told myself, don't be sad, I can't create all the time, it's an unrealistic expectation to think I can constantly get stuff accomplished, why can't I just allow myself to relax and just LIVE??" etc. etc.
Although I am indeed too hard on myself about being productive, the truth is that actually isn't the main reason I feel sad when I'm not writing. The main reason I feel sad when I'm not writing is simply because I LOVE WRITING.
It's not so much about "getting shit done" as it is about just DOING what I adore more than any other art form, relishing in the process of the craft itself.
This should have been a no-brainer--and perhaps some of you reading this are like, "well, duh?" But the point is that, clearly, I was too focused on the idea of productivity to see my core truth: going without writing for me is a lot like going without seeing a loved one. When I don't write for a long period of time, I feel like a part of my heart has gone missing.
For whatever reason, I was made to put words on a page and arrange them into sentences that evoke meaning and I'm going to keep doing that for as long as I live. No matter who reads those sentences or where they end up, if anywhere, writing is a part of who I am. (Especially writing my fantasy series, of course.)
I won't be able to write every single day, and that's okay, but it sure as hell lights up my spirit when the block is OVER!!!