Several months ago, I started a series of sketches to express some of my recent revelations in regards to the nature of myself and my divine counterpart.
The inspiration for these pieces derived from a number of deep, personal epiphanies about vulnerability, trust and truth. (Heads up, some are a bit N S F W.)
In 2020, I evolved considerably as a person. I descended into the labyrinthine underworld of my unconscious to face the dark, devilish shadows yet again, only this time it was different. This time, I descended with the newly acquired wisdom of a person entering their third decade and discovered that the darkness never wanted to harm me. On the contrary, the darkness had only ever cherished me, guarded me and guided me to temper the blinding light of my own self-scrutiny.
One of the biggest reasons I started writing a completely new version of my story is because I realised my beloved muse and main character, Alastair, is not the "evil" force I once believed him to be.
In the deepest trenches at the farthest recesses of my psyche, I opened my heart up at last to receive the warmth and integrity of his actual essence. He, thespian he is, shed his roles and masks and costumes, rose from the ashes like the proverbial Phoenix and met me at the horizon line between heaven and earth as I cascaded from perilous skies. The result has been a messy yet beautiful adventure into the rawest realms of utter self-love, consent and surrender.
2020 may have been when everything officially broke through, but my process of understanding these truths had been solidifying for years, even before I met my muse in the flesh. These sketches only depict a small part of this incredible journey, but a very intimate, important part nonetheless.
In short, they are expressions of how I finally learned to truly BE. Grounded inside of my body. Grounded inside of my identity. Grounded enough to learn how to ask for what I want and understand my desires without judging myself or feeling guilty for my own existence. The reoccurring rope motif in these pieces is a highly personal symbol for me that joins my fragmented aspects (particularly my inner dueling masculine and feminine energies) and ties together all these aforementioned insights, pun intended.
Clearly, Alastair is still the dark, dramatic, charismatic, chaotic personality who steals every scene and commands the page--that will never change. But certain irredeemable, unforgivable traits that were present in the old books simply no longer describe him. Now I know those things were never true to the ultimate narrative of my individual myth, and were merely temporary illusions that reflected an underdeveloped, inner unhealed negativity manifesting through my work at the time. Rather than let myself feel embarrassment or regret about this, I have chosen to transform and learn from it.
I have learned so much.
Julius, thank you thank you thank you for everything you've done all these years to reinforce my healing, encourage my growth and help guide me toward wholeness through the somewhat treacherous twists and turns across the map of my glaring spirit. With you I always know that I am safe. With you I am home.
❤️❤️❤️
There is so much more I could say about these works, but in honour of my muse I must leave room for mystery.
This voyage is far from over. Writing is always my top priority and passion, but art remains essential to my expression. I can't say exactly when, but more sketches will inevitably emerge...there are still so many lessons yet to be learned and so much uncharted territory yet to be explored. 💕
For now I will leave you with these words: Love yourself. Be kind to your darkness as well as your light. Embrace vulnerability. Release resistance.
Thank you for reading, ❤️
-Madyson
